Thu, 1 Aug 2013 14:25
 A Golfers Pilgrimage

The journey begins with the red eye from Kona and then LA, Newark and Edinburgh arriving on Saturday morning. I am excited to go and get my" fix " of links golf.  A different game, more shots along the ground, 7 irons that can go 220 yards and 3 woods that can go 120.  Sandy turf, deep bunkers and the wind make for a different style of play.

But more than the golf I look forward to reuniting with all our friends in Dornoch.  Dornoch is a small village in the Scottish Highlands that happens to have a world class golf course.  Royal Dornoch is known as the best course to not have hosted the British Open and in this years UK golf rankings it was ranked as the 3rd best course in Great Britan and Ireland ahead of Muirfield which hosted this years championship.  Like Muirfield the course was originally designed by Old Tom Morris and has not changed much since 1906 when it received its royal charter.

I am hopeful as my game is in decent shape but certainly not over confident as I know links golf has a way of humbling you.  So with that as introduction I will regale (bore) you with tales of my journey.  Next stop Edinburgh where julie andI  will be met by friend Martin.  We will stay with Martin to recover from jetlag and on Sunday will play a round at his course, Leven, in Fife about 20 miles from St. Andrews.

Aloha, Cheers and happy golfing

 

Stan

 

 

 Mon, 5 Aug 2013 19:33
Subject: On the Ground

After a long journey we are on the ground in Edinburgh.  Yahoo!  Martin was there to pick us up and off to the Kingdom of Fife  we go.  The weather is good, dry with a bit of wind, a bit! only enough to postpone the Women's Open 12 miles a way. But  as they say "nae wind, nae golf".

Sunday I played with Martin at his club, The Leven Golfing Society.  Martin cobbled together a set of clubs for me( as my clubs are another 3 hours up the road in Dornoch) and off we went.  The course is a beautiful shade of brown and with the fairways running fast.  I parred the first 3 with my set of 6 clubs, maybe I should always play with 6 clubs it sure speeds the decision making process.  Speaking of speed, there is a sign at the first tee that reads" A round of golf shoud take no more than 31/2 hours".  Their subtle hint about  the pace of play.  Leven is a fine links course hard by the sea with views across the Firth of Forth to Muirfield, site of this years's open Championship.  We had a fine day with a two club wind and the ball was really running.  But that is links golf, it is not so much what yor ball does in the air it is about what your ball does along the ground.  I did hit a 7 iron 230, but going the other way I hit a 3 wood 150.  A great day, I think I made 9 pars but did have a couple of the dreaded others.  But we were back to the club house in 3 hours and 25 minutes for a pint of Tennants.  Well done lad.

Tomorrow off to Dornoch and the Senior Mens Stableford on Tuesday.  Cheers.

 

Tue, 6 Aug 2013 22:07
Subject: Back to Dornoch

We arrived in Dornoch.  Trained up to Inverness and picked up a car.  The 45 mile drive from Inverness beautiful, the fields were being harvested , the sheep shorn and large bales of hay being readied for winter.  We crossed the Dornoch Firth and the Dornoch Cathedral spire came into view. Ah our second home.  Our little flat was just as we left it and Graham, our landlord had everything we left set out.  Golf Clubs, my pushcart and bicycle all at the ready.  Our friends, Iain and Elizabeth had us over for dinner, so we wouldn't need to cook, roast chicken and fresh veg and potatoes from their garden.

Tuesday morning I was at the practice ground preparing for my 9:20 tee time.  The course looked great a bit on the brown side but that is how it is supposed to be in the summer.  Summer has been absent in Scotland for the past few years.  The course though brown is perfect.  balls running fast on the fairways , rough wispy but playable and the greens smooth and true.  My first drive piped down the middle and I was off.  I three putted the first four holes, so no course record to day.  I did manage to right the ship a bit by holing a 95 yard chip and run for an eagle on the 9th.  Yahoo!  Played decent on the back and wound up with  31 points.  The winner had 37 so with a better start I would have been right there.  The largest difference between Dornoch and Makalei is around the greens , your chips and pitches run forever.

Julie came up to the club for our usual lunch in the large window overlooking the first tee.  Lucas, our favourite waiter was glad to see us and always gets embarrassed when Julie gives him a hug.  Lucas is an emigre from Poland who has come to Scotland for a better life.  I gave him some golf gloves and balls before we left so he was keen to tell me about his golf.

 

After lunch I arranged a game with the young golf shop assistant Sam.  Sam is a 21 year old student in the golf management program at the university in Dornoch.  We arranged our match, match play for a drink.  She plays to a 4 handicap, that is right she. She played the men's tees so no strokes were given.  It was a glorious afternoon, the sea was still, the wind down, pleasant company...perfect.  I managed a couple of birdies and won a coke off Sam.  Day one in Dornoch 36 holes and lunch and home before dinner.

Tomorrow Golspie with a few of my caddie colleagues.

Cheers and Aloha

 

Fri, 9 Aug 2013 2:56
Subject: Golspie

Golspie Golf Club is in the village 8 miles up the road from Dornoch and if there still is such thing as a hidden gem this is it.  It is a james Braid design from 1886.  It may have the best collection of par 3's in the Highlands.  And to top it off my annual membership is 150 pounds.  When Dornoch is busy with visitors we always go to Golspie as no tee time is required.  Liam and I played on Tuesday, completing our 18 holes in 3 hours and 10 minutes. Oh and it is quite a bit easier than Dornoch which is good because you can lose your confidence quickly on the Championship course.  Liam and I had a good match with me edging him 75 to 76.  We will carry over our pound bet till next week.

 

Now begins the serious preparation for the premier tournament of Dorncohs calender The Carniegie Shield.  I am the 2nd group out on Sunday for my first qualifying round.  Let's see if I can play when I have to put pencil to a scorecard and post a number for everyone to see.

 

Cheers

 

Wed 8/14/2013 6:50 AM

Day Off

 

This was my off day while the big boys finished their qualifying rounds.  Julie and I went on a drive in the Highlands.  Photo one is of Loch Buie just out of Dornoch.  The sky is beautiful.

                     

The 2nd photo is of my friend Roddy who will be my caddie for the match play.  Roddy is the starter at Royal Dornoch and he wears a kilt to work every day and is the most photographed man in the Highlands.

My opponent in match play is Lawson Muncaster, there is a British name for you.

Cheers and Aloha

Thu 8/15/2013 1:37 AM

Match Play

Played in the first round of match play today.  The weather was rainy but no wind to start.  My opponent was Lawson Muncaster from North Berwick near Edinburgh.  We halved the first 5 holes.  I then won the 6th as Lawson chopped it up and I made par.  I also won the 7th with par.  I then made a hash of the 8th but bounced back with a birdie on the par 5 9th to make the turn 2 up.  Lawson  made birdie on the short 10th and he won the par 5 12th with a par.  I made a sandie on 13 from a deep greenside bunker to go back to 1 up.  He won the 14th to square the match.  I then made a good par on the tough 16th.  Lawson then drove into a fariway bunker on the 17th and could only manage a double bogey.  So I am through to round 2 tomorrow, playing another American, John Mulhern from Georgia.

 

My caddie was great and kept me straight.  Thanks Roddy.

 

 

 

Fri 8/16/2013 10:02 PM 

Match Play Round 2

 

 

Friday morning is bright sunny and warm, a fabulous day on the links of Dornoch.  I tee off at 7:08 in the 2nd game out, playing Jon from Georgia.  the golf course is stunning the early morning shadows are highlighting every bump and mogul.  The first hole, a short par 4, is a sign of things to come as John out drives me by 40 yards, I hit 9 iron to 15 feet and John hit wedge into the front right bunker, Stan 1 up.  The 2nd is a treacherous par 3 with deep banks surrounding the green.  I lay up short in front, that is right lay up on a par 3.  John misses wide and tries to putt up the bank and the ball rolls back to his feet.  Stan 2 up.  The match stayed  pretty much the same  as I made no huge errors and John's long driving was a bit off.  Long story short I won the match 3 and 2 and will face the #1 qualifier this afternoon in Round 3.  Yahoo, that ensures a nice little voucher being in the round of 8.  So feet up, a bowl of soup and a wee rest before my afternoon match.

Cheers

 Fri 8/16/2013 10:34 PM

Round 3

 

Where are we Hawaii.  The sun is shining, the temperature warm and the crazy Brits are swimming in the North Sea.  My opponent is Chris Ross  a local lad of 28.  I am the oldest remaining player in all of the flights and it shows on the first as Chris is 50 yards past me.  Youth and talent vs experience and, and ... keeping the ball in play maybe.  First hole I miss birdie from 10 feet and Chris saves par from 9 feet.  Again I lay up at the second and save par while Chris misses from wide left.  I go two up at the 77th.  Chris answers at the 8th.  We make the turn with me holding a 1 up lead.  the 10th is my nemesis hole.  It is a 145 yard par 3 surrounded by 5 deep bunkers and a deep swale on both sides.  I have  made every score from 1 to 10 on this hole. Yes I made an ace two years ago in the Captains Invitational and last year made a 10 during Shield qualifying.  I have hit a 3 wood and held the green and have not been able to hold the green with pitching wedge, it is a great and confounding hole.  Today I hit 6 iron that just missed the bunker and finishes 10 feet under the hole.  Stan 2 up.  Could it be my day?  The 11 is halved and on the the par 5 12th.  Chris out drives me by 60 yards.  After a decent 2nd I have 150 in  and Chris has a putt from just off the front.  I don't like my odds putter versus hybrid.  Chris wins the hole.  The 13th another par 3 that sees us both miss the green.  I chip with my wedge that is an inch from a good shot and trickle into a bunker right under the lip.  No shot,  we are all square.  We halve 14 and Chris wins 15.  My first time behind in the match.  Is the old man running out of steam?  I lip out par putt on from 8 feet that would have won the hole.

Down the 17 we both hit good tee shots.  The second shot is blind over a mound to a green that gathers the ball from both sides.  I hit 6 iron just as I planned.  It feels good.  Chris from 2 yards in front of me chunk pulls  his 8 iron and lucky for him it catches the slope so it will be on the green.  We walk over the hill  and one ball is 25 feet away and one is stiff.  Have the golf gods done it again.  No it is my ball stiff.  Chris misses I tap in for birdie All Square down the last..  We both hit good drives  and good  second shots but the 18th is a beast of a hole into the wind.  I play first and lay the sod over a wedge.  I leave it 30 feet short.  Chris chips to 2 feet.  I lip out again and concede the putt and the match.  I played well except that I gave him  a couple of gifts on the back nine.  But up to the clubhouse and a pint of Tennants to drown  my sorrow.  Oh well.

A lie in tomorrow and  a rest for my sore bones.

 

Dornoch Square

Sun 8/18/2013 8:06 PM

Out of Retirement

The Ugly American

The course has been heaving with people.  Very busy as everyone is playing after the course was closed for a week for the playing of the Carnegie Shield.  So I was asked if I would come back and caddie for a few days. So I donned the red bib and went back with the boys in the caddie shack.  Great exercise, great craic (fellowship among the caddies) and a few extra quid in the pocket.  First round with Harold and Margret from Connecticut. 

Harold, who told me he shot 81 yesterday at Castle Stuart (more on that later), asks "is it always this windy here".  No some times it is really windy but as the Scot's say "nae wind, nae golf". 

Harold asks, " how far to that bunker". 

"It is 280 to that bunker on the right but there is another bunker hidden behind the hill that is 210 from here", I reply.

" I'm not worried about that as I usually fly it about 240 with my Driver" says Harold.

"I think you are ok with Driver just aim a little left: I reply.  I saw Harold's practice swings and if he can fly it 240 I am Sam Snead.

Harold hits  a banana ball into the hidden bunker.  Unlucky. 

"How far to the green" asks Harold.

 " Harold, you are 125 to the green, but a good  tip for playing at Dornoch is that if you get in a fairway bunker just get out in one shot", I advise.

"Give me the 9 iron' Harold snorts.

I put the sand wedge away and hand the man the 9 iron.  Thwack into the lip.  thwack again.

"This sand is too soft I'll just throw it out", grouses Harold.   Yes sir boss, wait till you get to a deep bunker like on the next hole.

"I'll take a 6"  Harold says as we walk to the next tee.

The 2nd at Royal Dornoch is a 165 yard par 3 with deeeeeeep bunkers both left and right and a green that is up on a table that falls off 10 feet to either side.  Many of the locals will lay up short of the bunkers  just to avoid the disaster that can occur for just missing the green.

"What club do you think?" Harold asks, 

"I think an 8  iron will keep you short of the bunkers and give you a good shot at par" I reply.

"Give me the 7" says Harold.  Yes sir boss.

His 7 iron trickles into the front right bunker, which is so deep that Harold couldn't see out if he was standing on my shoulders. Thwack, Thwack, Thwack. " Put me down for a 5" mumbles Harold.

So on we go.  Me doing my best to get Harold around in as few shots as possible and with the same number of balls he started with and Harold saying at home I would.....

You are not in Kansas anymore Toto.

One last hole of note, the 6th is a wonderful par 3 of 156 with 4 bunkers and a deep fall of behind and to the right.  It was playing downwind with a firm green and a hard and fast approach.

"What do you think"? asks Harold.

" A 7 iron hit just short will run up  and should not run long where the re is real danger" I reply.

"Give me the 5", Harold demands.

Harold hit a beautiful shot high and just left of the pin.  It hits on the green rolls just past the pin and down the bank and finishes 20 yards long leaving a shot Phil Mickelson would struggle with.  Harold blades his approach into a bunker and thwack, thwack, thwack,.  Put me down for a 5. 

Harold groused for the rest of his round about the perfect shot he hit and how unfair it was that he ended up in such a bad spot.  To Harold's credit he tipped well.

I do love looping so that I can tell stories just like this.  The caddie shack is full of them.

 

Some tips from  the caddie shack for visitors to Scotland.

 

1.  Play the members tees.  The back tees are for competitions only.  The regular tees will offer you sufficient challenge and you will have more fun, particularly if you are not experienced in playing in the wind.  The Scots don't care that your handicap is 5.2 and you want to "play the tips".They know the American handicap is a sham.  How can you post a score that is not signed by a competitor in which you give putts and give yourself a 5 when you don't finish a hole? (See Harold)

2.  Put the pencil and scorecard away.  Enjoy the walk.  Try to hit shots you don't normally play.  Putt from 40 yards off the green.  Hit a 100 yard 7 iron that stays head high.  Focus on the game not on the score.  Pencil and scorecards are for competitions.

3. Play match play.  When you are out of the hole pick up. and  move to the next hole and try your best on that hole.  It keeps the pace moving so that everyone behind you can enjoy their game as well.

4. Play fast. Be aware of the group behind you.  If you need to look for a ball wave the group behind through.  This is courteous not an indictment of your ability.  Don't pace off yardages they really don't mean all that much with wind and firm turf and it slows down play.  Play honors, "ready golf" is an excuse to ignore the rules and be rude.  Know when it is your turn and be ready to play.

5.  No, there is not a beer cart.  Try and go 4  hours without a hot dog and beer.  You can get that in the club house.

6.  Try not to be blatantly ethnocentric.  Leave your stars and stripes trousers at home and wear them at the 4th of July parade, not in Scotland.  Believe me the Scot's know at first look where you are from.

7. Ahh the club house.  Take your hat off indoors.  Change out of your golf gear to go in the dining room.  Don't wear golf shoes in the bar or dining room.  Get your drinks at the bar.  The servers bring food not your 4th beer.  Use your inside voice.  The people around you don't care that you paid 190 pounds to play Trump International and 150 pounds to play Castle Stuart. The Scots just think you are foolish for paying that much for one round of golf. And they really don't care if you are a member at Posh Links Country Club or Podunk Muni.  They take you for who you are not the Logo on your shirt. 

 

8.  Play some smaller village courses.  There is not a bad course in Scotland.  You will be treated well, meet nice people and help these small clubs make ends meet.  Visitor income is how many small clubs survive.

9.  Walk some golf before you come. Break in a pair of shoes.  Golf buggies are for people who have medical reasons.  Being overweight and lazy is not a medical reason.  Being 80 and still wanting to play the game you love is a medical reason.

 

10.  Come and enjoy.  Golf in Scotland is the greatest.

 

 Tue 8/20/2013 8:22 PM

Solitary Golf

 

After a morning round at Golspie with a couple from Kansas (Golf Club Atlas, fellow golf architecture nerd), we went for lunch at Royal Dornoch.  Sitting in the window with a bowl of soup and crusty roll I watched the groups teeing off on the Championship Course. on a sunny and windless afternoon  I noticed a large break, nobody teeing off for 20 then 30 minutes.  What is this, a full hour with nobody out. 

 

 "Oh dear would you mind if I played a few holes", I begged.

"Not at all, I'm fed and watered and would like to just lounge around the flat" was my bride's reply.  Have I mentioned I have the best wife in the world who indulges my golf habit.  Thanks my love.

So a walk down the hill to get my tools and back to the first tee.  Peg in the ground at 4:00 p.m. and an open course in front.  Bliss.  Walking a links course as the sun is getting low is so special.  The shadows highlight every bump and mogul.  The locals are out walking their dogs and enjoying the sea air.  The swallows are doing aerobatics nabbing an evening meal.  The oystercatchers are scouring the fairways for one last grub.  And I am walking the links alone.

Some good shots, some bad, a do over if I feel the need.  A wee sit at the bench on the 7th to count my blessings and enjoy my birdie at the 6th.  A brisk walk along the sea.  A fisherman along the 11th.  Dogs running freely along the beach at the 16th.  Life is good. I putt out at the 18th at 6:30.  A 2 1/2 stroll through a golfer's paradise.  Another great day and a reminder of why Dornoch is so special to me.

 

Thu 8/22/2013 9:24 PM

Match of the Week and Round of Courage

 

It has been a busy day.  A match in the morning and a caddie loop in the afternoon.  Both in decent weather, slightly overcast but dry.

 

Bobba with the ever faithful Tiger following the golfing maxim of keeping the eye on the ball.  

The morning match was at Golspie between Hamish McCrae and Don Greenberg and Liam and myself.  Hamish is the immediate Past Captain of Royal Dornoch.  The captain is a quite prestigious post and a huge commitment at a club like Royal Dornoch.  It has been very involved during Hamish's term with clubhouse renovations , golf course updates and the hiring of a new Club secretary. Hamish handled them with class, but one can see the relief he feels after stepping down.  A true Scottish gentleman is Hamish.  Don Greenberg is a former sportswriter for the Orange County Register who chucked it all to move to Dornoch.  He is now a local fixture, golfer, part time caddie and full time raconteur.  My partner, Liam is a 25 year old employee of the club who serves as a starter and director of guest services.  He is a personal chap who has been the first face people see when they arrive at Royal Dornoch for the past 3 years and has become a good friend. 

Hamish plays off 6, Don off 7, Liam off 4 and me off 8. It will be an match "played in our bare feet", no strokes given. The stakes in Scottish golf are always modest pound on the front, pound on the back pound overall. The standard Scottish match is better ball 4 ball, one score counting per team.  If you are out of the hole you pick up and tell your partner to "play hard, mate". To make a long story short I had 15 pars and 3 bogeys ( my best round of the trip).  Liam pitched in 2 birdies and we shook hands on the 15th green and were back in the clubhouse in 3 hours and 15 minutes, 3 pounds to the good.  the drinks cost 12 pounds so it costs 9 pounds to win the match, but bragging rights are priceless.

 

 

 

Not So Ugly American

                                                                 10 Green Struie
I report to the caddie shack and off to the first tee with a couple from New York.  I am on the ladies bag.  She looks to be in her late sixties and as she walks up she has a bit of an awkward gait.  As we do the introductions it is obvious that Marge has recently suffered a stroke.  Marge is excited and full of good spirits. She says, "Stan, I only hit Driver, 3 Wood , wedge or putter.  I throw the ball out of bunkers and don't bother looking if my ball goes in the deep rough".  Sounds like a perfect loop to me.  The play begins and Marge  walks briskly and hits her shots with no delay and laughs easily.  She hit most shots right down the middle and is a surprisingly good putter.  We would read the putts together like she was putting for the Open Championship and we actually made a few.  She would always pat me on the back with a "great read Stan".  She made a par at the short 15 with a well holed putt and you would have thought she was Open Champion.   Not once did she gripe, complain grouse or whine.  She kept a good pace, had a good word for all, in stark contrast to my previous loop.  Well Marge, you are a champion to me! Note to self...learn from Marge.

 

Sat 8/24/2013 10:50 PM

An Evening At Carnegie Hall

 

You may think this trip is all about the golf.  It is mostly but we did take last evening to bring some culture to our experience.  We went to a Scottish musical concert at Carnegie Hall.  No, not the Carnegie Hall in New York City but the one in Clashmore, Sutherland.  After Andrew Carnegie made his fortune he bought Skibo Castle just on the outskirts of Dornoch near a wee village called Clashmore which is where all the employees of Skibo Castle lived.  Carnegie was quite the philanthropist as evidenced by nearly every town in the north of Scotland having a library , town hall or other civic building being constructed by donations from Andrew Carnegie and bearing his name.  He is still revered in this part of the world.  The Carnegie Hall in Clashmore is the centre of life in the village.  Music, weddings , birthday parties and any event that needs a bit of space are held at the hall.  Last night it played host to Ally Bain and Phil Cunningham,a Scottish folk duo.

Allly is a fiddler and Phil plays accordion and they played to a full house of about 200.  Ally and Phil have actually played Caregie Hall in New York and as Phil quipped last night " many people have played The Carnegie Hall but very few have played Carnegie Hall in Clashmore".  A good fun evening out and we didn't even have to wear coat and tie.

 

 

Fri 8/30/2013 6:37 PM

Tournament Golf 

I am on the last run of tournamnet golf.  Friday was the Gents Open at Tain.  Saturday is the Fraser Gardner 36 hole event at Dornoch, Monday the Senior Open at Golspie followed by the Senior Championship at Dornoch.  Here is hoping the weather holds. 

 

Tain Map

 

I played well at Tain except for the triple on the 3rd.  I ended up with a 78 net 71.  I was standing in joint 2nd when I left with a 3rd of the field to finish.

Tain is another Old Tom Morris gem with a wonderful routing that has the wind from a different direction on nearly every hole and it was breezy on Friday.

Playing Open tournaments is such good value.  It is  agreat way to see many different courses without hurting the per diem.  The entry at Tain was 12 pounds for a course in which the visitor greenfee is 40 pounds.  Many of my local friends play a regular circuit all over the Highlands and if you are lucky enough to win a prize you get a voucher that can be used in any golf shop or off site golf store as well as restaurants.

cheers

 Sat 8/31/2013 8:47 PM

Fraser Gardner

 

Ah, 30 mile per hour wind and intermittent showers, the back tees and 36 holes what could be better.  Yeah right!  The wind turns my power fade into a crappy slice.  The ball wavering on the green turns my shaky putting stroke into a  sword fight.  Gortex jackets and wooly hats turn my mood sour.  I finished both rounds, but just barely.  An 89 backed up by a 92 sent me looking for solace in a pint of Tennants.  i did post scores something that 23 people in the field did not do. A small consolation.  Just to show that golf can be played in those miserable conditions, one of my mates shot a 2 under 69 with 16 pars and 2 birdies.  That was some round of golf.  Hawaii anyone?  Tomorrow is another day.

cheer

Tue 9/3/2013 7:54 PM

 

Golspie and the Senior Championship

 

After licking my wounds a bit and hitting a few balls in our new covered driving bays it was off to Golspie for the Senior Stableford.  Stableford is ,perhaps , the most popular form of competition in Scotland.  Scoring is, 1 point for bogey, 2 points for par, 3 points for birdie etc.  If you have double or worse you just pick up and move on.  It is probably the best way to play for the handicap golfer, especially on difficult courses.

So, the Golspie Stableford begins Monday morning with the sky's dark and ominous.  There is a saying in Golspie "if you can see the Wee Mannie (monument to the 3rd Duke of Sutherland on the highest hill overlooking Golspie) it will be raining soon, if you can't it is already raining.  We ll we couldn't see the Wee Mannie.  The first 5 holes it was pissing down rain.  Umbrella, waterproof trousers, rain jacket, rain gloves, wooly hat what a great way to golf.....not!  Well I mange 2 pars, 2 bogeys and a birdie not bad.  I stuff a tee shot on the 6th only to lip out from 6 feet.  Then the sun comes out and the wind dies and the rest of the day is glorious.  The bad news is the late starters have good weather for the entire round.  I end up with 35 points just out of the money.

The weather for the Senior Championship on Tuesday is sunny bright and a breezy.  I play decently on the first 8 holes all downwind and par the 9th into a strong wind or a fresh breeze as the Scots call it.  I shoot 39 out.  Then it was like a tornado passed through.  On the 140 yard 10th I hit 5 wood short.  The 430 yard 11th it is driver, 3 wood, 5 wood, 8 iron. As quickly as the tornado came up it is gone and again the late starters have great conditions.  Oh well.  I mange to shoot 80 and finish in 3rd place.  A wee little voucher.

Cheers

 

 

                                                                   Original Club House

Mon 9/16/2013 7:35 PM

Golf is a Cruel Mistress: 

Tales and Confessions Dark Side of the Fairway

 

 

 

She can tease and entice us to the false belief that we can master her.  More often than not though she just breaks us down to whimpering little pawns doomed to eternal failure at this silly game of golf.  For example take the damnable fate of my friend David.  No nicer man than my friend David,  He has been a member at Royal Dornoch for some 9 or 10 years.  He and his wife make 2 trips a year from San Francisco to Dornoch.  They stay about 4 weeks each trip and they play golf.  He opens his home to visiting golfers, he signs many people on as his guest.  He is a fun guy to  play with and he is a competent player who works hard to improve.  His handicap is down in the 12 range so he is player that is not without golf skills.  But like Sisyphus he is doomed to push a stone up a hill for the rest of his days.  His hill is the infamous 14th hole at Royal Dornoch.  Foxy it is named and it does not suffer fools lightly.  It is 452 yards of humpy fairways, ball eating rough covered mounds and a green perched atop a flattened sand dune that has enough waves in it to make one seasick walking from one end to the other. It says par 4 on the card but we all know better.  Par is at least 4 and 1/2 and most days it is par 5 or 6.  Hell, it was a par 7 one day and I still made double bogey  David has never made a par on Foxy.  He has played close to 200 rounds and has never made a four on 14.  Not once has he holed a monster putt or chipped in from the fringe.  Not once has he made the green in regulation and two putted.  You would think that somehow, someway he would have made it one time from tee to hole in four shots.  Nope , nada, nil, zilch, never.  Never in golf has a person had to endure such an undeserved fate.

 

This spring David was in Dornoch on his first trip of the season.  He was doing his usual thing of golfing almost daily and hosting the visiting golfer.  David gets a call from a friend of his from San Francisco who is in the Highlands on a hill walking expedition and he and a buddy would like to take a day off and play some golf.  Could David set something up at Royal Dornoch?  As he does, David sets up a game and  the two visitors take a 150 pound taxi ride over from the West to play one round of golf at Royal Dornoch.  Neither one had ever played golf  in Scotland and at most they were occasional golfers.  So David arranged a tee time, got sets of clubs and golf shoes and met them at the first tee.  Off they went  with many a flub and many dubs and an occasional foozle thrown in for good measure.  The boys had lost a good portion of their ammo by the 10th hole and still had some seriously challenging golf to be played, including the aforementioned Foxy.  Standing on the tee Foxy  David points out the ideal line and the areas to avoid.  Visitor 1 steps to the tee and pipes one right down the middle.  Visitor 2 follow suit but a little farther down the fairway.  David hits his down the right and not too bad.  David hits his 2nd shot just short of the green.  Visitor 1 next to play, he lashes at one with a 3 wood.  High and true it flies, hits just short of the green and rolls up the slope stopping 35 feet from the pin.  Visitor 2 coils  up and lets fly.  His 5 wood  is right on line.  It too lands short scurries up the slope and comes to rest 20 feet from the hole. David chips his 3rd shot up the hill and it stops 10 feet from the hole.  Visitor 1 eyes his putt and rolls it down to tap in range and makes a par on his first attempt at Foxy. Visitor 2 rolls his down to kick in range and makes par on his first attempt at Foxy.  David eyes his 10 footer and strokes it firm.  It nears the hole and veers away at the last moment and David taps in for 5 and it is 201 times without a par on Foxy.  And to add insult to a bruised ego he had to watch 2 part time golfers, first time playing in Scotland, first time playing Royal Dornoch make pars.  What a cruel game!

 

The next day David was out pushing that boulder up the hill one more time.

 

To be continued....

Tue 9/17/2013 7:40 AM

Mistress, continued

I should know better than to tempt the mistress.  I know she will strike back swiftly and with a vengeance.  She has done so on many occasions.  I know I should just keep my mouth shut and not try to find humor at another's expense.  The mistress has swatted me down and put me in my place.  For example, I remember the time my brother and I found great humor in our father's travails in a green side bunker.  With each swing that failed to extricate him from said bunker, the light chuckle turned into roars that turned into uncontrollable laughter until tears rolled down our cheeks.  Dear old Dad, with steam coming out his ears, continued to flail (there is no give up in that old dog) until on the 11th attempt the ball was out of the sand pit.  But the mistress had the last laugh.  She saddled me with 7 years of the poorest bunker play imaginable.  I experienced all the shots, skulls into the face, chunks that move a few inches, bladed shots over the green, double hits, and the whiff.  I could not get out of bunkers to save my soul because the mistress held my soul and would not let go until I had suffered as good as I gave.  Since then, I have bit my tongue anytime I wanted to say something witty as a playing partner struggled in the sand.  Lesson learned until... my good friend Alex, during a good money match, had back to back chili dips on a short chip shot.  I yelled over, "I have a bag of Doritos in my bag for all the chili dip over there".  The mistress then hit me with a case of the chipping yips like you have never seen.  My chipping stroke took on the appearance of a grand mal seizure with a well timed jab with a cattle prod at impact.  I am still in the throes of this curse and am hoping the mistress will let me off with time served for good behavior.

 

But never has the mistress struck with such well pointed revenge as last year at Royal Dornoch.  It was a 2 day competition.  I had finished my first round in good position, not the leader but certainly within range with a good round tomorrow.  I went up to the bar and sat with my good friend Iain.

"Iain, how did you do?" I queried.

"Not bad except for the 11 on the 9th", he muttered between gulps of his pint of Tennants.

"How can you make an 11 on the 9th?  It is the easiest hole on the course," I chortled.  The 9th is a simple par 5 of about 500 yards, generally plays downwind and just a couple of bunkers up by the green.  If there is a birdie hole at Royal Dornoch, this is it.

" I took 7 shots in the right green side bunker," said Iain as he dove into his next pint.

Tempting fate I chided Iain, "Any hack can get out of that bunker."   I thought about the mistress but, alas, the cat was out of the bag and I knew she heard.  Oh well, I am a better player now, she won't get me this time, I thought foolishly. We shall see, my dear boy.

 

Day 2 of said competition.  I am in good position needing only a par 5 at the 9th to turn in 39 shots.  A well struck tee shot followed by a nice 3 wood has me 90 yards from the green in perfect position.  The pin is tucked behind the front right bunker.  The smart shot is an easy pitching wedge to the center of the green.  I swing the wedge, it is high and on a good line right towards the flag.  But, did I hit it far enough?  The ball lands just over the bunker and then stops, hovers for a second and rolls back into the front right bunker.  Any hack can get it out of the bunker, right?  My first attempt is skulled into the face, it rolls back just under the lip.  Attempt 2 is a chunk that moves about a foot.  The 3rd whack gets out and then ever so slowly trickles back down into my footprint.  I will play smart now and play out sideways.  This attempt barely gets out, rolls along the side and back into the bunker.  I play away from the hole and don't get it out.  Finally I play backwards successfully.  I then putt up onto the green and two more putts from there and I have to write down....not 10 and not 12, but an 11.  The same score I gave Iain a ration for yesterday. 

Damn you mistress!